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The
Art of
Breaking Up
by Joe Vetromile |
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Sometimes,
relationships run their course. You may be at fault or not, but
when its time to bring your relationship to an end, you want
to do so cleanly and effectively. Here are some suggestions:
1) If you have personal items at your lover's place, you want to begin getting
them back. This is much more difficult to do after the breakup. If your lover
has things around your home, put these in a box and have them ready to move.
Be thorough - you don't want to have things left around for him/her to need
to come back for later.
2) Don't involve your friends, family, co-workers, etc., in the breakup. This
is only between you and your mate. Adding others to the breakup just increases
the humiliation factor.
3) If you're afraid of a scene, break up at a public venue such as a restaurant.
However, don't "lure" your soon-to-be-ex lover there under false
pretenses. Explain that you want to "talk about your relationship.”
4) Don't wait until a "good time.” Do it as soon as you make the decision.
Waiting only prolongs the inevitable and makes it even more difficult. Be
bold!
5) However, don't breakup on a day with special significance. For example,
don't breakup on Christmas Day, Easter, or your ex-partner's birthday. This
is cruel, and may spoil that day for this person for many future years.
6) Don't hedge - get to the point. Be clear and specific. Don't blame or argue,
and don't prolong the event. Again I say…be bold!
7) Don't breakup in stages! Some people; either through fear of losing someone,
or a feeling that their sparing their ex-lover's feelings do the "series
breakup". They start by getting distant, then, they suggest that both
of them see other people, then, they stop answering the telephone, etc. This
just causes the pain to be extended for a longer period of time than is necessary.
8)
Be considerate of your ex-lover's feelings, but don't back down.
Also, don't promise to stay in touch, stay friends, or say that
maybe you can get back together after you "get your head
together". This leads to false hopes.
9) Don't unload your hurt or anger on this person. Be detached, unemotional,
and specific.
10)
And Finally, don’t bad-mouth your x once everything has been
resolved. Remember that old saying, “if you don’t have
anything nice to say” you know the rest.
Breaking up is very difficult for both the person doing it as well as the person
getting dumped. Always remember that you saw something special in that person
when you first got together. Regardless of what happened to cause the break
up, they are still the same person you met and have a right to their dignity.
Be
bold, be compassionate, and be truthful. Follow these guidelines,
and you have mastered the Art of Breaking up. |
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My
name is Joe Vetromile, and I’m an author/screenwriter living
in So. California. I’ve written hundreds of articles on
the subjects of flirting, dating and breaking-up. Besides
having first hand experience with all three, my research on the
art of dating confirms to me that while the ritual of hooking
up with a soul-mate may be arduous at times, the end result of
finding that perfect someone to share the rest of your life with,
is well worth the effort.
Joe
Vetromile writes for DrDating – a web site for anyone looking
for love online. We have hundreds of articles, E-Books and links
to some great dating and love sites all over the world. DrDating
also offers reviews of some of the most popular dating sites
and books.
http://www.DrDating.com
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